confessions · I'm so funny?

I guess this was supposed to be funny.

I got this forward like nine times today:

A man was sick and tired
of going to work every day
while his wife stayed home
He wanted her to see what he went
through so he prayed:
‘Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put
in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home.
I want her to know what
I go through.
So, please allow her body to
switch with mine for a day.
God, in his infinite wisdom,
granted the man ‘ s wish
The next morning, sure enough,
the man awoke as a woman….
He arose, cooked breakfast
for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked
up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank
to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put
away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced
the check book.
He cleaned the cat’s litter box
and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1 P.M.,
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust and sweep and mop
the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up
the kids and got into an argument
with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and
got the kids organized to do
their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board
and watched TV while he
did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling
potatoes and washing
vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops
and snapped
fresh beans for supper
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids, And put
them to bed.
At 9 P.M. He was exhausted
and, though his daily chores
weren’t finished, he went to
bed where he was expected to
make love, which he managed
to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke
and immediately knelt by the
bed and said:
Lord, I don’t know what
I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my
wife’s being able to stay
home all day.
Please, Oh! Please,
let us trade back. Amen!’
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
‘My son, I feel you have
learned your lesson and
I will be happy to change
things back to the way
they were.
You’ll just have to wait
nine months, though.

You got pregnant last night.

Are you kidding me?!! I don’t do half that stuff in an entire MONTH.

I’ll tell you what my husband would get if he woke up in my body:
Wake up angry that you only have 15 minutes to get your son out to the bus. Again. Try to scrape up $2.30 so you don’t have to make a sandwich because you are so sick of making sandwiches that you could die but are unsuccessful. Pack a bag of saltines, a diet coke, and gummy bears. keep the carrots in there from yesterday, just to make it look like you care a little about nutrition. Dump everything out of the child’s backpack. Make them change their shirt, but dive at their feet when they try to change their socks. No time for hunting down new socks. Feed baby.
Get child #2 out the door. Don’t even bother changing his outfit from yesterday. Pack him a bag of frozen chicken nuggets and hope they thaw out by lunch. No more diet coke -guhrrrrr- so you pack a water bottle with you last crystal lite “energy” packet in there. Sorry teachers. It’s going to be a wild afternoon. Feed baby.
Change babies diaper. Or not. Feed baby.
Go back to bed for an hour. Wake up, don’t even look in the mirror. Go to the store for more diet coke. Feed baby.
Remember that you have a five year old. Beg five year old to watch just one more Team Oomie Zoomie so you can get on Facebook. Give him a bag of popcorn for breakfast. CRAP! The other two didn’t get breakfast.Feed baby.
Get a call from the school (we’ll pretend my boys go to the same school) saying that neither child has their lunch. They ate it on the bus on the way to school. Pack up baby and five year old to take a check to the school for a school lunch. Sadly, a much healthier meal than the one you planned. Detour at the principal’s office because both children went nuts when the caffeine kicked in. Apologize for that and the way you smell. You lie that you just got back from the gym. Feed baby.
Get home to find the baby has peed through all over her car seat. Now you HAVE to bathe her. You go to find her clothes and realize that there are none. They’re still in the washer from two days ago, and now they smell like mildew. You start the load again, cramming in the lining to the car seat. Dress baby in brother’s shirt. Feed baby.
Decide to get yourself some lunch from Taco Bell (the diet starts tomorrow) and something for your five year old from McDonalds. You both get diarrhea. Feed baby.
Watch Hoarders. Fear for your future. Feed baby.
Take a garbage sack and run through the downstairs of your house throwing away EVERYTHING.
Kids get home from school. Make them hold the baby while you shower. It has only been 3 days since the last time. Feed Baby.
Husband gets home. Throw a fit about how being a SAHM is SO hard and get in bed with some unbaked cookie dough. Watch more hoarders. Then Sisterwives. Wish for a sister wife.
Sleep.


8 thoughts on “I guess this was supposed to be funny.

  1. I got this same FWD, and when I finished.. I feared for my future. Then I read your blog and I took a huge sigh of relief. I aspire to be just. like. you. Umm and why do you wish for a sister wife? Last time I checked, YOU HAD ONE, JERK! Time for me to go to bed, and cry myself to sleep on my huge pilla' (please, please, please know what movie I'm refering)AND one more thing, my word verification for this comment is: DUCHUFF

    Like

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