Uncategorized

I have a filthy mouth.

Story of the day. Today I was rushing about trying to get my house cleaned before the people from the state came in to do Abby’s next round of evaluations (they are by law “mandatory reporters” which really helps motivate me to make my house not stink of diapers and other such grossness).  I’ve been super thirsty, so I pee, A LOT. I had the music up loud so I put my phone in the back pocket of my pants so I’d feel it vibrate if anyone called (the butt jiggle is every bit as awesome as you can imagine). I pull my pants down to pee, and plop! The phone goes into the toilet.

The rest can best be summed up by my email exchange with Lance:

ME:
Someone tried to drown my phone in the toilet. When I found it, I immediately put it in rice. So for now, I have no phone. This is the only way we can communicate. I’m giving the school your phone number in case of an emergency.

Lance:
Did you pull the battery?

Me:
Yes. And I even sucked out the water that was in there, which is awesome, because it was TOILET WATER. That’s what it said to do on popular mechanics. That or use your compressor to press air into it, but we don’t have a compressor. If I get some crazy fecal death because of it, I should be remembered as a hero.

Lance:
I just showed that e-mail to my co-worker and we both laughed out loud.  You are a hero. I was just psyching myself up to buy you a new phone…again, and if this one goes down the drain you certainly can say you did all in your power to save it.  I mean going mouth to mouth to mouth on a dirty little kid that drowned in a pool is easy, mouth to mouth on a phone that drowned in a toilet is a whole other level.

Me:  Fanfreakingtastic, asshat, now your coworkers will NEVER kiss me on the mouth. You ruin everything.

See? I have a filthy mouth.  

(It’s not too late to enter the giveaway…but time’s ticking!)

5 thoughts on “I have a filthy mouth.

  1. That was the best email exchange I have ever seen. I hope one day I can have a Husband that I can call an asshat. BAHAHA, in all reality I dropped my phone in the tank after it fell out of back pocket before too, it works fine but it smells weird whenever Misty calls me.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s